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Help me through depression

Depression is a mental illness that a lot of people will experience in their life time.
A group of people supporting a young person.

Some ideas

  • Understand that the young person you care about might feel embarrassed about their feelings
  • Ask them if they want to talk and let them decide how, when and where
  • Ask open questions and listen to them carefully
  • Accept their thoughts, feelings and experiences (don't judge them) and try to see things from their point of view
  • Try to find an activity they'd like you to do with them
  • If you think they're at risk of hurting themselves or others, get them help as soon as possible

Helping a young person through depression

If you know rangatahi / young people who have depression, there are many ways you can help. This page outlines what depression is, why some people experience it, how you can help, professional and online supports, and what to do if someone wants to harm themselves.

Please remember, people with depression can and do get better. Depression may feel really overwhelming sometimes, but there is a way through, and help is available. 

Feeling down, sad, or upset are normal emotions in life. Arguments with friends, losing a loved one or friend, or dealing with break-ups can stress people out.  Sometimes rangatahi can feel down and not even know why.

 
Depression is when these feelings don’t go away, even as life goes on and things improve.

Depression can have a significant impact on rangatahi / young people and should be taken seriously. 

Depression may be connected to:

  • our thoughts
  • the way we act
  • things that happened in our past
  • what’s going on in life right now
  • the way our brain deals with stress hormones

Some common signs and symptoms (lasting more than two weeks) include:

  • Feeling unhappy, numb, empty, irritable, guilty or like everything is too hard.
  • Feeling tired most of the time, difficulty sleeping, changes in appetite or unexplained aches or pains.
  • Withdrawing from family or friends, not getting things done or using more alcohol and other drugs.
  • Having negative thoughts, struggling to concentrate, or having thoughts of self-harm or suicide (please refer to the Suicide/Self-harm section below for more info).

Sometimes, it’s hard to know if it’s depression. A good place to start could be for the young person to take a self-test(external link). 

Sometimes the problem may be anxiety. Read more about anxiety here(external link) or take a self-test(external link).

The tests aren’t a diagnosis but will help you with next steps.

What contributes to depression in rangatahi / young people

Different things can contribute to anxiety and depression in rangatahi / young people. These include:

  • fighting with family or friends
  • being bullied, including being a victim of rumours and gossip
  • finding it hard to ‘fit in’ or get along with others
  • shifting schools or starting high school and finding this stressful
  • experiencing a relationship break-up or difficult relationships
  • the recent death of a loved one
  • violence, abuse, or neglect
  • social media use that makes you feel bad

No matter the reason, always take it seriously and be supportive and kind, and ask what is going on for them. 

Rangatahi / young people might feel embarrassed talking about their problems and what’s really going on. Here are some tips on how to talk about depression with someone you are concerned about: 


Find a place that suits them:

Opening up about depression can make someone feel nervous and vulnerable. Find a good, safe place to talk and a form of communication they are comfortable with. While face to face is best, they might prefer to chat over the phone or through messages. Let them choose how they want to chat because they’re more likely to feel safe if they’re in control.  

Listen actively: 

  • Be direct and clear in what you are asking, eg ‘I’ve noticed you seem sad, would you like to tell me how you’re feeling? I care about you, and want to help’.
  • Ask open questions so you understand what they mean, “talk about what’s going on for you”.
  • Reassure them their feelings are valid, for example you could say, “that sounds hard. I’m sorry to hear that.”
  • Show empathy and interest with your body language.
  • Do not judge them.
  • If they don’t want to talk with you, ask if there’s someone else they want to talk with and help arrange this. 
  • Let them know you’ll keep what they say confidential, except for anything that makes them or someone else unsafe. If that happens, be clear about what you’ll do with that info. (Eg, if they are actively suicidal you’ll dial 111, or call the local mental health crisis assessment team or go with them to the nearest emergency department (please refer to the Suicide/Self-harm section for more info).

Share your (relevant) experiences

You may have experienced depression at some time. If appropriate you could share your experience and let them know that you were able to get through it, so they can too. This is to offer hope and that there’s a way through. Make sure that you focus on what they’re going through and only share your experience briefly, to connect with them and show empathy and understanding.

Encouragement

  • Often when people are depressed, they don’t want to go out or do anything. Everything feels too hard and they want to stay home, alone.
  • It’s a good idea to ask them to do things with you. It doesn’t have to be anything big. Invite them over to watch funny video clips, listen to music, make some art, or head outside for a walk. Think about things you both like to do and invite them to spend time with you. Let them choose something they’d like to do. Don’t pressure, take it slowly.
  • Suggest that they start with one thing they want to do, then slowly add things in step by step.

Support

They might not want to talk to you about what they’re going through, but you might be able to convince them to talk with someone they trust, like a friend, family member, kaumātua, teacher or someone else they know well.

Consider the young person in the context of their environment

Our environment has significant impact on how we experience the world. Often young people have less choices and resources than adults. For example, they may not have choice on who they live with or where they live, they may have experienced trauma and feel unsafe, they may experience food insecurity, racism, or have difficulty with school/education. If this is the case, is there anything you can do to help or advocate to make practical changes for the young person? This could make a significant impact on their wellbeing. 

Recovery 

The good news is there’s a range of effective strategies to help people recover from depression. The strategies usually focus on psychological therapies and lifestyle changes. Antidepressants are not routinely used for tamaiti / kids and rangatahi / young people but may be added in some cases if depression doesn't respond to other treatments. 

A primary care practitioner (eg GP) will be able to talk through options and refer to agencies who can help. They may also refer on to a mental health specialist service.

The Mental Health Foundation has great advice and links to resources here(external link).

The Ministry of Health has links to support services, including primary and specialised support here(external link).

There is also the Māori Health Services Directory(external link).

The Lowdown(external link) has information for young people, including self-tests for depression and anxiety and phone, text, email, and webchat support.

 

Depression can increase the chances of a rangatahi / young person’s risk for suicide and self-harm. It can feel scary if you think a person might be considering suicide, is suicidal or self-harming. But, it is important to remain calm and clear. There are robust processes to follow (from the Mental Health Foundation): 

If you reckon someone might be suicidal, then ask them.

  • Be direct and ask them about their thoughts of suicide and what their plan is. If they know what their plan is, they need immediate help (note: asking someone about suicide will not put the thought in their head).
  • Listen, take them seriously and let them know how much you care.
  • Help them get support from whoever they trust (this could be kaumātua, whanau, mates, professionals or leaders in their cultural, local or religious community.
  • Make sure someone is always with them until they can get help.
  • Help them make an appointment with a professional, such as a doctor or counsellor. Try to do this as soon as possible. Offer to go along with them if they want.

In a crisis or emergency

If you're worried about someone’s immediate safety or they have attempted suicide, please do the following:

  • Call your local mental health crisis assessment team(external link) or head to the emergency department of your nearest hospital.
  • If they’re a physical danger to themselves, you or anyone else, call 111 immediately.
  • Make sure someone is with them until help arrives.
  • Remove any obvious items they might use to hurt themselves or attempt suicide (including guns, medication, car keys, knives and rope).
  • Let them know how much you care.
  • Try and remain calm.
  • Keep talking with them, listening to them and asking questions without judging.
  • Make sure you’re safe.

For info about training in suicide prevention, go here(external link).

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